Oh yeah, the jug has acid in it. — Sometimes, I wonder how different my life would have turned out if I hadn’t neglected my solitary kidney for most of my adult life. What if I had taken an interest in the strange anatomical anomaly of being born with only one kidney? Would I have become a world-renowned urologist…

Not my finest hour — When I was twelve, sleepovers were life. Nothing was better than staying up late, camped out in a living room playing truth or dare while Poltergeist played ominously on a TV in the background. “This house is clean,” the old poltergeist cleanser lady, whose name escapes me at the moment…

A glimpse into the life of a mentally unwell (but in the process of healing) 30-something — If there is one thing I’m really good at, it’s looking at a narrow staircase and thinking, hmmm, how can I finagle a 200-pound armoire down this by myself? The plan I come up with works every time. Well, I always end up getting the armoire to the bottom of…

The mental and emotional aftermath of leaving an abusive relationship — I want to tell you a story that hasn’t yet happened. Well, part of it at least, hasn’t happened. It’s not a story that anyone will want me to tell. My mother will text me milliseconds after reading the thing, asking if she should worry, you know, about my mental…

A story about perception vs. reality — I am 10 years old and madly smelling the throw pillows on our living room sofa. My brother Dustin is trailing me, excitedly lisping, “That thmell, Lindth, I know it from thomwhere!” My brother and I are the exact opposite of latchkey kids. Mom does everything for us. She makes…

We once dreamt of what we might build, now we dream of what we had — “I dreamt we still had the shop.” The words are thick coming out of his mouth, and his eyes are shut tight. He is postponing the reality that’ll confront him when he wakes. I’m standing in our bedroom doorway and hesitate a moment before going to him. This is called…

Life was never the same again — During my teen years, all my girlfriends looked much older than me. They had perfectly sculpted bodies, with perky boobs and long glossy hair. At 15 years old, most of them could walk into bars without getting carded, and the eighteen-year-old shitheads working at liquor stores rarely asked for ID…

The most essential “how-to” article you’ll read this summer — Number 1 — Avoid Living in Lake Towns Prevention is key to surviving the dreaded seagull attack, my friends. Unfortunately, nobody ever told me this when I was young. So when my parents said, “We’re moving to Sylvan Lake!” I was excited for a new adventure. Oh, how foolish I was! If only I had protested. Begging my…

How I did indeed become the manager there — There are certain moments in life you cannot take back. Like that one time, I was talking to my neighbour, who I had never met before, and telling him how much Lucy wanted to meet his new little puppy. At the time, I was enthusiastically rubbing said new little puppy’s…